I have had the opportunity in the last three weeks to really reflect on the events that shaped how I see God and how I see my walk with Him. I set a milestone on that path on Sunday May 20th by being baptized. It was an extremely moving time for me and I get a bit choked up thinking back about how I, for the first time, really stood before a group of people and professed what I believe. The few weeks running up to that day, I spent hours working on my testimony and what God really wanted me to say. I only finished working on it just hours before the Sunday service seeing that I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist when I write.
I looked back at my time in high school, that I seemed so on fire for Christ.
The time a friend called me from college because she wanted me to be the first to know that she accepted Christ as her personal savior, that I had had a huge impact on her during high school.
I reflect on the times in early adulthood I spent so depressed that ending my life seemed to be the only answer.
Memories of the deaths of two friends.
YEARS of asking God why I was born the way I was.
I turned to the thoughts of when I turned away from God. I turned to an unbelieving faith.
I remembered the moment that it all turned around for me.
I struggled for a long time about why God had allowed me to be transgendered, how my years were filled with doubt, fear, and loneliness. It wasn't until God put a woman in my life that told me to stop asking God 'why' and start asking God 'how'. How can God be glorified through everything I have been through? She reminded me that God knows the path he has chosen for me. It is up to me to follow him on that path. He is a light unto our feet. All we need to do is to follow that light. I may choose my steps I take each day, but it is God who has set out a detailed road.
I looked back at my time in high school, that I seemed so on fire for Christ.
The time a friend called me from college because she wanted me to be the first to know that she accepted Christ as her personal savior, that I had had a huge impact on her during high school.
I reflect on the times in early adulthood I spent so depressed that ending my life seemed to be the only answer.
Memories of the deaths of two friends.
YEARS of asking God why I was born the way I was.
I turned to the thoughts of when I turned away from God. I turned to an unbelieving faith.
I remembered the moment that it all turned around for me.
I struggled for a long time about why God had allowed me to be transgendered, how my years were filled with doubt, fear, and loneliness. It wasn't until God put a woman in my life that told me to stop asking God 'why' and start asking God 'how'. How can God be glorified through everything I have been through? She reminded me that God knows the path he has chosen for me. It is up to me to follow him on that path. He is a light unto our feet. All we need to do is to follow that light. I may choose my steps I take each day, but it is God who has set out a detailed road.
In recent months I felt God's prodding to go further with my faith than I have ever before. He is calling me to be bold in what I believe, be strong with my trust in Christ, to show love like I have never done before. Ever since I made the decision to be baptized, I have had a boldness I have rarely known. I never want this feeling to subside. I want to continue to grow and follow even closer. I want to be a woman after Gods' own heart.
Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalms 25:4-5
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